didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
