Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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