Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
In America we eat man semen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
