I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
