I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
