Moan for me like Helen Keller
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
