Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
