how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
