just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize