Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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