My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
