This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
