so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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