she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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