smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
