I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
