this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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