Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
