Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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