We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
