I think my fart just growled at me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
