i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
