so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
