You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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