I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
