But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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