filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
