Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
