I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
