Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
