haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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