I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
