It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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