porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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