i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
