A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
