i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
