Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize