yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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