I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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