Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
