Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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