saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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