do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
