If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i've created a new STD.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
