so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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