she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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