i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
