I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
