I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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