I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
