Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize