having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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