rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
