I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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