i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
