Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i believe in u and ur pee
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
