If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
