You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize