I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
