there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
