i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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