I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
