mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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