I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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