Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
