shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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